I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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