I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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