I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
