You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
