I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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