no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
