i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
