My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
