Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
