i think my mom watched the whole time
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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