i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
