I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
