Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
