Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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