Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is wine microwaveable?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
