Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
