I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think i have herpe
just one?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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