You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
