I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
