Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
