I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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