My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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