did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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