If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
