Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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