Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
40s are totally the cure
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
