If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
