i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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