We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
