Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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