Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
