all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
