I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
