Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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