dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
