normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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