I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
