I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
