You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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