May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
