I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
