dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're breaking my sexual little heart
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
