I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
