If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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