I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
