u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
third nipple confirmed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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