he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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