i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
