I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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