He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
