Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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