I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
