okay pat passed out under dana's car
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
