i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
