My first STD was from a foam party
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
sex in a hospital.. check
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
