just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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