so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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