Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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