just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
