it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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