It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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