It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
